New Year - New Me!

So, this is going to be long and boring. Sorry. But I want to put it out there for a couple of reasons. First off, I feel so much more accountable when I put things in writing for others to see - then you can all hold me to the wall on this stuff! Secondly, I know there are a lot of people who read this blog for nothing more than to get some additional motivation for themselves - and that is TOTALLY COOL! If I have or can inspire anyone to do better physically, then WOW! I think that is awesome!
I know this past month or two has been slow around blogland regarding weightloss and fitness and health. I have really struggled since my surgery to get back on my health track - honestly - I have sort of lost my way. It is sad and frustrating and I am so sick of feeling this way. I have concluded that I just have to get up the determination and self worth to do this for myself - not later - but NOW! Of course, the New Year is always a great time to start anew and fresh, but I am just ready to do it.
Over the past few months I have slowly gained back a portion of my weight lost - enough that it is still managable- I can get it back off, but also enough that I am noticing it in more than one way. Tighter clothes, sore back, feeling sluggish and tired again all the time. NOT the way I want to feel. I guess knowing how great I CAN and DID feel is really great motivation for me.
When I had my surgery in Sept I have struggled a lot. I did get back to the gym quickly and was ready to keep going but then I have gone back and forth, up and down, with getting sick, getting better, getting sick again. I have spent the past 3 months with the majority of it fighting off colds and illness. I finally decided in Dec to give my body a break. I think I just needed to let my body catch up and cool down? But now, I just feel like crud. I can't stand it! So, it has been several weeks and I am ready to do this!
Another big thing for me is looking back at this past year. AMAZING changes in myself. Not just physically but emotionally and just overall. When I think back at all the fun times I had - WOW! I feel so giddy just thinking of them all! Stuff I never even thought of doing before, or was too self consious or scared to try. Crazy! I loved how I felt playing and dancing and swimming and going out on the ARV's -- all those things and I don't want to lose that. Yet one more motivation to keep going on this health and fitness trek of mine!
So, here I am at this turning point again. No one can do this for me but me. I know that, but sometimes it is so hard. I have to be ready mentally more than physically. I have to have the desire - trying so hard to get that back like I did before. I am so lucky to have so much support from freinds and family to help push me on but truly it is 100% my choice and my doing what I know I need to do! So, keep cheering me on and if I "fall off the wagon" please help boost me back up! I have new running shoes and I have my new music loaded on the MP3 so I have no reason not to go! Right?
Here's to LESS WEIGHT IN 2008!!!
Darla