"fruity" body image

I have never had the best personal body image, self esteem, whatever you call it. Mostly because I have always been heavy. Sad, but true. Since I have started to lose weight though, it has improved in a lot of ways. It is cool, as things change, how you see yourself. Sometimes, however, it is NOT so cool. Like today.
** Let me just say, this is more of a personal journaling type of therapy session for myself so if you are not the least bit interested in my pea-brained thoughts, well, you could stop reading now. Consider yourself warned.**
So, today I am out running, jogging, trotting, whatever you call it - I LIKE to say running because it sounds oh so athletic and macho! LOL Anyway, I was out, moving my body - ok?
Let's back up. Recently my sisters talked me into getting some new workout clothes and let's just say they are not my baggy sweats and oversized 3x t-shirts. Oh no. We are talking shorty-shorts (the cool running ones like they wore in the 70's and 80's with the stripes down the sides...remember those?) and some matching racer-back tanks to match, with the coolest most supportive built in sports bras - oh baby! Well, let's just say the shorts are all good, a little short, but cute, no cheeks hanging out or anything.Thank goodness, right? The tanks, well, they are good too, really, I like them a lot, they are extra long and snug but not too tight. Sometimes I like to wear closer fitting clothes bc they show me how much wieght I have lost up top... these tanks fit in that catagory. I don't look like a total stuffed sausage in them but they are snuggy. OK. (If you are with me still, bless you.)
So, I get up and go to the gym this a.m. and it was still quite cold out so I wore a pair of my old workout capri's and then one of the new tanks with a t-shirt over it. I finally decide to take off the tee bc I was roasting hot and what is the point? All good. I finish my workout and feel ok about being exposed in this tank top thing. Now we are back to the running. So, I go out for my run, have my MP3 player jammin' my fave tunes, I am all pumped up, jogging along feeling pretty good and then the sun comes out in front of me and HOLY BEGEEZERS my world was changed. In one instance I suddenly realized that self image is one thing, destructive. The sun comes up, the shadow comes out. Are you with me here??? So, there I am, all in my running mo-jo happiness and someone might as well have hit me over the head with a freakin' baseball bat. I about barfed. MY SHADOW WAS HORRIFIC!
I, to put it lightly, looked like a literal peice of fruit - a pear. My cute little top, all snug and adoreable and then whooooah baby my big ol' gut and but ballooned out a mile around me! It was absolutely horrifying. I was all alone, not even a car driving past and I wanted to shrivel up and hide. Ick! Ack! This is so not goooood! So now, I am feeling a bit fruity and thinking a big fat shadow of even proportions - let's say, a whale? is much better than a peice of fruit. Time to pull those 3x tee's back out baby! This is the part of "big" wieght loss that sucks.