So here is what is "going on".

I have been a whiney boob this past week. So sorry. I am usually pretty upbeat and optimistic but it all just sort of seeped out of me over the past several days and thus the not so happy Darla you are hearing from. Again, I am sorry if I am bringing anyone down. Since I have had 1001 requests as to what it is that is going on, I figured I would just lay it all out for you guys to read. I was not going to share it all as I was feeling a little antsy about it, but I also am starting to feel like if I don't "let go" of some of what it is, I may just implode! So, here goes.

Back in 1991-1992 after I had Christopher I started having episodes of bad stomach pain. Turned out I had to have my gall bladder removed. I was not one of the lucky ones, I had to have a full surgery (have the 7 inch scar to prove it) and it was quite the ordeal! During the recovery, we found out that I had thyroid problems. Hypothyroidism, or Hashimotos Disease. So, at that time they put me on a synthetic thyroid replacement and that was that. Over the years, I have had my obgyn docs update, change, and so on with my levels of meds, but overall I have not had a lot of troubles with it. Honestly I just sort of felt like it was just something I had to live with.
So now fast forward to Jan of this year(2007). I went to my regular Dr for a yearly exam and got updated on everything healthwise. Since I have been working out and doing health and fitness and losing wieght I figured that I should get on top of things. At that time the Dr had stated that my thyroid was a bit enlarged and re-ran some tests, we found out that my thyroid levels were really bad, REALLY bad. So, the Dr put me on a new dose of meds. Also at this time we found out my blood pressure was really high and I started on some meds for that too. Well, after a few weeks we re-ran tests and found that I was on the right dose of medications and all seemed well again.
Since it had been 6 months, I went back to the Dr for a re-check on my blood pressure and the Dr noticed that my thyroid glands were really swollen again. Even more than back in Jan. So, he sent me for an ultrasound where we found that they were actually swollen to about twice the size as they were originally in January. Also found that they are pushing on my vocal cords and esophogus and just getting larger- why? who knows. However, the longer we wait the bigger it gets and that poses more problems including a more complicated surgery in the end. There is a nodule mass in there but it does not "look suspicious" but since there is pressure building on my organs inside he sent me to an ENT surgeon who totally SHOCKED me when he said that I need to have a total thyroid removal. WHAT? Yea.
So, totally not planning on hearing this, I was rather shocked and upset. This was last week and I am still sorting it out in my head. Walking around in denial of sorts? So this week I get to work on plans for who/what/where/when for that surgery and I am really quite flustered. Top this off with my Mother getting really ill and going on a Hospice program, and well, I am pretty much a wreck. I am sure I'll be fine, but still upset nonetheless. Needing a good cry that just is not coming out... so weird bc I am such a crybaby usually!

BIG thanks to those who have expressed concern and love to me, I will keep you updated on what is going on. Sorry for the book, but wanted to explain it all in detail. Thanks again.
Darla

forced optimism

So, I am talking to sil today on the phone, both of us having a struggle to make it through the day... I pipe in and tell her it will all be ok, just have faith... reminded me of my own "mantra" here on the blog : "Forced Optimism- Fake it until you make it"

Oh how I needed that today, to be reminded of my own words. BIG time.

So, sil then reads a couple of quotes from a magazine to me, more words I needed to hear, but mostly this one, one of my all time favorites:

"Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened."

Hope you have had a much better weekend than I have. (aside from my HUGE perk on Sat) Yea, I'll keep smiling. Always do.

Darla

HOW COOL IS THAT???

OK I am just in the BEST mood right now. Totally had a huge suprize come my way today and put me up on cloud 9 to say the least!!!!
As you may (or may not) know, this past week was a tough one. We had family visiting from out of state, I was babysitting FT all week, had my bf go in for surgery and ending up with a lot of complications (and a alot of stress) and then I found out some not so great news on my thyroid situation. So, bottom line, by the time Friday rolled around I was worn out and stressed out and just ready to bury my head in the sand.
Well, insert HAPPY DANCE for today. This afternoon I went to get in my car to go pick up Chris from work and there in the front seat of my van sits a HUGE gift bag with bright funky colors poking up out of it and a card addressed to me! I open the card and get a huge congratulations note and words of encouragment. The card said it was from "The Monkeys" which is my online chat group that I have been with for quite some time. Some of these gals I have chatted with for 4 or 5 years... such a great group. They are from all over the country, well, even some from out of the country.... we all share the scrapbooking bond but so much more after all this time. Well, these gals have seen me through a year of ups and downs with my weight loss goals and treated me to a gift today. WHAT was it? It was a whole stinking shopping spree of cute new clothes! We are not talking WalMart stuff either here!! Some cute khaki shorts, a couple of extra long tank tops with the lace on them and several really cute shirts! TOTALLY knew just what I liked! WHAT A TREAT! So far I have not identified who engineered this whole suprize, but I am pretty sure I know who it was. Whoever it is that is involved, THANK YOU SO SO SO MUCH! You really perked me up and made me feel special and loved and OH so wonderful!

What a totally awesome day! How cool is that??

Darla

LOTS going on

I cannot believe how crazy this week has been. (thus the lack of posts here, sorry) It is finally almost Friday .......... finally. Whew. I am ready for a weekend to kick back, relax, and just veg out. (yea right)

So, we had a combo this week of relatives visiting from out of state, swimming in the rain and wind, eating out for a yummiest dinner, chasing kids all over, friend having surgery with complications, multiple dr appts for me and just utter chaos. I am really just plain worn out. Not really physically, more emotionally. Lots and lots going on, not going into details but having some things going on with me that are frustrating and scary and totally has me freaked out. Just really flustered right now. Thinking a good nights sleep will be heaven sent and this is one of those days I could sure go for a stiff bottle of diet mt dew! (no, I won't do it, you know I won't!)

That's about it. Just lots of crazies. I have a ton of pix to share but dont' feel up to it tonight. So, if I miss ya this weekend, have a good one!!!!! Darla

Did you know?

STRESSED spelled backwards is :

DESSERTS

Send in the chocolate, cheesecake, ice cream, I need it. You might say I am a little stressed right now.

So ready for Friday. So so ready.

on a roll.....

... and ANOTHER layout to share... I am crusing along today! This LO is of me myself and I and about all the changes that have occured this past year! Darla

Ixnay on the iptray to the ountainmays....

Yup, we skipped the mini road trip to Yellowstone/ Island Park as previously mentioned... decided to wait and plan it out in a couple of weeks rather than throw things together at the last minute last night to go. Our oldest, Chris, is working up there this weekend with Blake so we had thought to stop through the cabin and pick him up on our way home, but it was just not enough time to plan it. Sort of bummered out, but not a biggie as I promised myself I'd scrapbook today so now I can do that for sure! Photo is of the cabin in Island Park... so excited to go see the progress on it when we go again!

Speaking of scrapping, I had told you I'd done 2 circle journals last night, and then we stayed up late and I whipped out a new layout too! A photo of Ed and I from last winter, I'll scan and share it later.

We all stayed up super late last night, for us anyway, and then slept in this a.m. I finally got up at 9:30 and headed to the store to pick up some goodies for breakfast burritos and some stuff I needed to make spaghetti tonight for dinner. mmmm. Full tummy. Well rested. Sounds like a recipe for a nice relaxing Sunday to me! (oh , and yea, we sluffed church, shhhhhhh!)

OK I'll have lots of scrappies to share later I am sure so I am off to C R E A T E or as Donna Downey says : " Perfect just the way you create".... love her!!!

Make it a good one friends!
Darla

**Edited** Added in photos of the LO I did last night of Ed and I from last Christmas-time, also some keychain style photo tags I did today of my kids to hang on my purse! Fun stuff! :O)

Ring the bells! Alert the media! Shout it from the mountaintops!

Woooah folks: Darla Scrapped!

OK OK OK for most people this is no biggie, but for me, a massive scrapbook addict for the past 10+ years, the fact that I have slowed wayyyyyyy down on my scrapbooking hobby has been very odd. It seems that the past few months I have been so focused on my weight loss and other things that I just sort of put scrapping on the back burner. As a matter of fact, the last pages I did were back in May (on Mother's Day to be exact!) and I have only done a few cards since then as well. So, for some oddball reason, this week I suddenly got a fire under my butt about my scrapbook habit and decided I needed some new inspiration and so on..... so I called Robin and she lent me some new magazines and that is all it took! Today I hit a couple of sb stores, shopped and checked out all the new "stuff" that I just HAVE to have and now I am rearin' to go! This afternoon I finished up 2 circle journals that I had in my posession and they are ready to go back to their rightful owners. I have a stack of photos sitting here ready to go. I have a stack of paper here waiting for my choice. I bought new adhesives. I AM READY! Look out sb world.......SHE'S BAAACK!

Had to share this SUPER cute photo of Micheal at the wedding last weekend! Is he not the CUTEST ring bearer EVER in the history of weddings??? He looked so dang awesome in that lil' tux and all... and that BLUE sure shot his bright blue eyes into motion too! Love this photo big time!

Looks like we may be heading up to Island Park and/or Yellowstone for a day trip tommorrow... VERY excited about that! Love to take long drives. :O) FUN TIMES and lots of photo ops for me to get some great shots to what else?? SCRAP! hee hee!

Hope your enjoying YOUR weekend! I'll update you more on our Sunday adventures later, with photos too!

Darla

Busy Friday Already!

Wow! I have had a super busy morning already and I think today is not going to slow down a bit. That is ok though, we are officially into the weekend here at our house so that is fine with me!!!

So far this a.m. I have been up and going to the gym, home-showered-cleaned up and took dh to work, ran some errands for dh and then went to a Dr appt. (more later) Now I am catching up here, fixing lunch, then off to another Dr appt. at 1:00 pm and a hair appt. at 2:30 in Rexburg which is about 45 min away. Whew! Can't wait to see what tonight has in store for me!!!!!!!

OK Dr appt. Let's see... blood pressure is good on the meds, he does not want to change them as of now. Thyroid meds seem to be ok too but my thyroid gland is rather enlarged (twice the size he says) and so I have to go have that scanned today. Kind of scary stuff really. No concerns with my knee, big relief!! Does not want to do anything with my weight as I am losing on my own (slow but steady) and does not want to add any meds to my routine bc of the high bp meds. So, for the most part it was a good appt.... just freaked out a bit about the thyroid thing. Guess I'll find out soon enough egh?

Ed won this hair cut/style gift cert on the radio a few weeks ago so I am going today to use it. Kind of wanting to do something fun and new and different yet I don't want to lose my length and so that limits things too. I have a couple of ideas and suggestions for the stylist but honestly don't want to come home with my same ol' same ol' hairdo. Hmpf! What to do? What to do? I'll post pix later whatever I do decide on, OK?

Photo is of my oldest Chris with his cousin from Tx who looks JUST like Chris did when he was younger.... they are buds!! (and 10 yrs apart in age!)

Take care! Be good! and HAVE FUN!
Darla

Keep forgetting...

Do you ever have something you are supposed to prepare for that you procrasinate and put off 100 x over only to find that when you get down to the "wire" you keep forgetting to get it done? Yup. I am sure you have. Well, I did it again, and this time it was a biggie! Tonight I have a card class for Church and I have managed to put it off and then went out to lunch today TOTALLY FORGETTING I needed to get this stuff ready to go! OYE! So now I have minimal time to throw together some kits, cards to swap and so on. I am not happy with myself in the least. So what am I doing here chatting about it? Well, I guess it is sort of a guilty admission to myself that I screwed up big time *again*. LOL

OK off to make cards!
Darla

And it is Tuesday already?

Wow, this week is cruising along, it'll be Friday before I know it! Guess that isn't really a *bad* thing though, is it? LOL

Busy day here, getting housework done, laundry caught up, watering the lawn and stuff. Just enjoyed a super yummy spinach salad with veggies for lunch, I love spinach, cold, fresh, in a can, however, yummmm I love it! Making awesome food choices today, (and yesterday) and feeling the groove of my 6 week makeover. Had another good workout this a.m. despite some rotten teens at the gym. Grrr. I am feeling the gut busting ab moves I have started doing, guess that is good so that I at least know they are working?? Crazy stuff. I am anxious to start next weeks challenges/workouts and step things up, and I am only 2 days into week one! That is what I call energized baby!

OK laundry calls. Ahhh the joys of Motherhood - right? Blessings to you today and the rest of the week!
Darla

Happy Monday to ya!

First off, Happy Bday to my big sis Carlee, hope she is having a mahhhvalously wonderful Bday! Love you!

OK so today is the first day of my big 6 week body challenge (all for me!). I decided after reading my book "Total Body Makeover" that I did not think I was ready to commit to a 12 week (3 MONTHS!!!) challenge and also it was a bit above my level of workouts still... so I created my own 6 week body challenge and I think it will work! OK , I KNOW it will work! (After all it's all about positive reinforcement right?) Basically I have set up a calendar of workout routines to follow for the next 6 weeks, increasing my endurance and skill level a bit each week to work up to some goals that I have made. I will also be working on eating MUCH better than I have the past month or so and I really hope to see myself hit a 60 lb weight loss soon! So, cheer me on please! I am really phsyced up about this, I am ready to make some big changes and get myself going strong again. This workout includes my regular weights, cardio and so on, but I have added some additional stretches, some ab workout and a much much much more regular routine to when/how I do them all. I am hoping with the addition of the ab workouts that I can flatten this gut a bit, everything else seems to be shrinking but my stomach and THAT is where I need to target the most! So, enough rambling about that..... just wait till' you see a thinner me by the end of August! Whoowhoo!

Finally getting a photo of my new minivan here for you.... SO happy to have it, this one is the same color and everything, it is the prettiest blue you ever saw. Mine, of course has a few scratches and flaws as it is a few yrs old, but you get the idea! It is sooooooooo purty! Love it! Also a photo of Ed and his sis at the family reunion in Boise last weekend. Yup, FINALLY caught Ed with a SMILE on camera! HA!!

Luvs,
Darla

OK I couldn't wait any longer....

We got TWO HUGE big happies in our house this week.... first was a big "sudden" choice of THIS new minivan!!!!!!!
*photo link is not working, sorry, will post it later*
(OK new to me, but still awesome!) It is a 2001 Chrysler Town and Country, it is a beautiful colbalt blue and it is loaded! It has so many awesome options and we got a great deal on it from a friend of a friend. Auto doors, leather interior, 4 disc cd, and tons more. It is such a good "Mom" van I tell ya and such a major upgrade from my previous clunker, err, uh, minivan. VERY HAPPY DARLA right now.

Second, we ended up having to replace Ed's motorcycle after his accident, it was too much damage to repair so the insurance paid out and today he got this new bike. We are talking BRAND NEW , as in "0" miles on the gauges and he is a VERY HAPPY ED right now! He took it out for a spin tonight but I DID get pix of the odomoter as it still read "0" before he picked it up from the motorsports shop!

http://www.kawasaki.com/Products/Detail.aspx?id=215&content=photos


Lots of SMILES at our house right now!
Darla

Some more photos to share

OK SUPER DUPER MEGGA BUSY DAYS around here.... LOTS of BIG BIG BIG news to share but will have to wait. Hee hee! No, I didn't hit 60 lbs already! Darn egh? LOL But I did want to share a few pix with ya from our visit last week! One is of Ed and his sis on their Bdays (she turned 40 and he 38) as I loved the "mushroom cloud" of smoke on the cake! Another is of our nephew playing SILLY dressup with Micheal and then last but not least, my favoritest teacher EVER! My HS Band director, Mr Dunmire, leading the HS Marching band in the 4th of July parade last week....this guy is THE bomb!

OK take care!
Darla

4th of July and Food Choices

Well, it has been a week and I am finally getting some pictures up from the 4th of July. It is a HUGE deal here in Idaho Falls and I have tons of photos but I am too impatient today to get them all on here so these few will have to get you through. (I especially wanted to put the photo of Ed in the tall patriotic hat, loved it!)
We had a great 4th, went to the parade in the morning, played and bbq'd all afternoon and had THE yummiest fajita/mexican food for dinner thanks to Ed's sister Carla. That night we went to the BIG fireworks show that is put on down at the river. We have one of the largest firework shows in the nation and this year was exceptionally awesome! I think they said we had 30,000 people at the parade and over 50,000 at the fireworks? THAT is huge for a small town like ours! SO fun!! Also, that night we did our own fireworks out in the street - set up chairs in the driveway and did a good hours worth of them, so cool.

So, on to today's normal stuff. Food. I have to say, right now I am really angry at food. LOL Yes, angry. I am really having a hard time with my will power right now and rather than beat myself up I figure it is easy to just blame it on all those yummy tempting foods out there, after all, I don't think I can hurt their feelings? Can I? Seriously though, after this past week of family, holidays, travels and such, the house has been filled with lots of extra JUNK and I have fallen victim to many many poor choices. I don't know why I do it either because after the fact I get so angry with myself. It is just that "in the moment" I can justify 100 reasons that it is OK to eat the stuff, then afterwords I feel simply horrid. Both physically and emotionally. So, aside from locking the cupboards, throwing out the food or posting notes on every box and pkg to "remind" me to be good....what do I do? So flustered.
I sat down and wrote out new goals today. I also have been looking at photos of myself. Even went and searched through my closet at my clothes. ALL things that normally really inspire me to get in the right train of mind again. The funny part is, I totally love my salads and veggies, love steamed foods, not fried, love my gallons and gallons of water. I love going to the gym, feeling the burn of a good workout. I love how it all makes me feel. I love being a different person. So WHY can't I do this one thing? It makes me totally question myself in so many weird ways. Very very hard to deal with right now. So, if you have any suggestions, please, feel free to share them because I am at the end of my straw with myself.

OK off and running, gonna take the kids to the park for a few min before I pick up Chris from work. Take care.
Darla

Comparison Aug 2006 to July 2007

Just a quick before/after thing again..... more for me than anyone! LOL The green shirt photo was in May of this year, the group photo of me with my sisters was last Aug right before I started my weight loss and then the one in the white is from this July. Coolness egh? I love to see the before/after thing!

This is what 50 lbs gone looks like ...

As promised, a few days late, here is a photo of me from last week, on Monday when I FINALLY got my much awaited weigh in goal of 50 lbs GONE! The photo is "so so" as my older dd took it, but it works I guess. Man it feels SO good to have met that goal. I have been working on a new goal worksheet and am having fun with it this time! So cool! I'll have more photos to share later of our Holiday week but wanted to at least get this one up for now. HUGS Darla

Missing you

Sorry I have been gone. Had a super busy week last week and have TONS to share, but right now I just need to catch up and B R E A T H .... for a few. I will post some stories and photos later today I hope!

Missing you as much as you are missing me!
Darla

Happy 4 th of July

Hope everyone is having a good day. I am totally worn out already and it is not even 7 pm yet. Long hot day. Very long.

Can't wait to catch up with you on things. Lots of photos to share. Lots of busy things going on.

Enjoy the 4th!
Darla

I DID IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am VERY happy to come and report to you all that I FINALLY DID IT! I reached the 50 lb weight loss goal and I FEEL GREAT! So happy! So excited! So ready to move forward with another goal!

HUGE thanks to those of you who have supported me and cheered me on, I am so thankful for you in my life!

So what's next?

HUGS
Darla

I am ready.

House clean - check
Bedding prepared - check
Yard looks fabulous - check
Darla needs a hot shower - going right now....


SIL and family will be here tonight, I think the house is as "orderly" as it is going to get. Will have to clean up after dinner *again* but otherwise I am pretty well done.

WOW! It is July! Happy July and if I don't make it on to say so HAPPY 4th OF JULY too!

Hugs n luvs!
Darla