own it

Today i have been thinking "deep"
when i say deep - well - I guess it is more
of digging deep within myself for answers

The last few months have been a roller coaster
both physically and emotionally
but mostly I have had to do some serious
soul-searching on WHO I am and WHO influences
the person I am and mostly WHO I WANT TO BE

growing up I wanted to be a Mom/Wife/Homemaker
no big plans, just a nice little home and family

I NEVER imagined I'd have this great life that
I am living - and I don't know why I have been
so ungrateful for my blessings - but I know
that all the upheaval around me has been a serious
eye-opener as to what and who makes me happy

I have a foundation - a pyramid I guess you'd call it
of support people in my life and last night while
I was out doing my walk/jog I was thinking about it and
who it is
and what it is
that I really NEED in my life

it goes something like this:

"OTHERS"
OUR NEIGHBORS
MY CO-WORKERS
MY VERY CLOSEST FRIENDS
MY EXTENDED FAMILY and INLAWS
MY FAVE TWO FABULOUSLY GREAT SISTERS
MY LOVING HUSBAND AND WONDERFUL FOUR CHILDREN

so when the rug got pulled out from under me a few
months ago and the middle line dropped out and
dissapeared I felt confused and lost and alone
very very alone - why?
I look now, logically, at this pyramid of love and support
and see how very stable it is even with that line
missing and most importantly I see with VERY WIDE
OPEN EYES that the main foundation is in fact not
those closest friends that are lost but my FAMILY!
- my family who loves me unconditionally and at all
times -

***UNCONDITIONALLY***

***AT ALL TIMES***

So why cry over what was lost? Why hurt and squirm
and feel rejected and forgot? Why? I don't know,
but obviously I don't need that middle layer for my
foundation like I thought I did. I don't need that
extra acceptance. I am growing everyday by the hurt
and rejection and finding out how strong I really am.

I can continue to grow and be stronger and a better
person through this experience. I have learned how
NOT to hurt the ones I love and care for and I have
learned who cares the most and who matters the most.

Time for me - my family - the ones who I love the most
and I know love me the most - just the way I am!!!!
Not sure I am ready to open up and say I am 100% healed
and "over the loss" but I am headed the right direction
and have an amazing foundation of love around me.
I am blessed to be loved. I am blessed to love others.

DarlaLOU

*on an extra note*
I love reading my horoscope - sometimes they are very
enlightening...
Here was todays:

Your Daily Horoscope
You're a reasonable, generous person, Libra. Your altruism plays a big part in your life. This is why your friends will be amazed to see you express a lot of personal desires now. When you think about it, everything is getting clearer. You might even want to change a lot of things in your life. And letting your feelings guide you doesn't have to mean that you won't think about your friends.

Altruism (pronounced: pronounced /ˈæltruːɪzəm/) is selfless concern for the welfare of others